Too ridiculous. I just about died.

Catching up on Misfits? 

I probably won’t be done till next month. 

Shiii.

You are a pansy.

DRIVE IS WHERE IT’S AT.

Might be a steal, but have fun with the shit box in a semester or so…

I feel eerily numb.

Shiturday night.

I end up hating myself.

I know that regret is at the end of the tunnel, but I still go back, expecting a different result.

Why do I bother? 

At least, when I go back, it keeps me entertained.

Waiting around for just one makes me anxious and unhappy.

For now, I’ll enjoy this ephemeral satisfaction, while I still can.

I know that one day it’ll all be over.

I’ll be trapped like all the others.

And just like them, I’ll escape into an unforgiving world that offers little solace.

I see the cycles…

I’m not cynical.

The odds are against me and it’s better to live in reality.

Ignorant bliss will never be greater than a tepid reality.

And yet, I know that conformity is my doom.

That I needed to get faded before my family dinner?

They’re boring and stressful.

But hey, no fights today.

I ignored them and got half a grand.

Graduation money is piling up. 

Maybe I should start driver’s ed…

Or maybe I could find some sort of company…

BORED.

Require company.

I know that I will never have to return to that shit hole of a school ever again, but deep down, it has yet to hit me full force.

I don’t feel overjoyed or sad.

In fact, I feel numb.

I’m completely unfazed.

It seems to me, that no matter what’s changing in my life, this is an inescapable constant.

Knowing myself, I’ll start feeling happiness with lingering tones of regret in the middle of my freshman year, and that’s only if I do end up feeling anything.

Of course it’ll be too late for anything to be done. 

Another constant in my life.

What I crave is the feeling of exhalation.

These past 4 years have been a perpetual cycle of inhalation and breath holding. 

I long for the exhaling that’ll free the weight from my shoulders. 

The assumption at this point is that I know what my future entails. 

In the back of my mind, I know that I’ll have to hold my breath for a bit longer. (This could be an understatement, depending on what I decide to do with my life.)

Well, this is quite a shitty post. 

I’m sleep deprived and trying to watch 50/50.

I don’t think I’m capable of not paying attention to Joseph Gordon-Levitt.